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Seriously, as I watched TV last night it occurred to me that if you were a foreigner watching American TV, you would believe that every woman in America suffers from osteoporosis and bladder control problems. To top it all off, we also suffer from depression.
Well, OF COURSE we are depressed. Our bones are breaking as we rush to get to the toilet on time!! Who wouldn’t be depressed?
As I watch my daughter on the one hand, who is strong, muscular and can run a marathon, and my Mom on the other, who can barely lift her legs and gets exhausted going from one room to the other, I can’t help but wonder where this sandwich generation forty something woman falls?
According to my WII Fit, I am overweight. Tell me something I don’t know. Obviously  I am the cheese and mayo part of the sandwich and not the lean turkey. Ouch.
So as of today I have vowed to start exercising more, sitting less, and swearing off the french fries. Okay… maybe one order of fries a week. After all, I don’t want to get depressed!

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It took 10 minutes to get past the first aisle of Sam’s today with Mom. She decided to stop and look at the chaise lounges and outdoor furniture for a REALLY long time. As I sat back and watched the whole scene I kept wondering why she was looking at a chaise lounge? She finally turned and said to me, “what are those?” It never occurred to me she had spent the last few minutes searching the recesses of her 80 year old mind. The rest of the shopping adventure is uneventful until back by the bread aisle, she decides she has to go to the bathroom NOW.  Of course, the restrooms are at the very front of the store and we are at the very back.  She leaves me the two carts and takes off with her cane and her cute lopsided walk as fast as she can.  (Let’s hope those Depends are working!)

I spent the next 10 minutes meandering around Sam’s with 2 carts, trying not to run into people or displays.  I was not successful. We finally met up at the front near checkout where she proceeded straight to the outdoor furniture and sat down while I unloaded the carts.  On the way home we decided it had to be way later than 3:00.  We were both ready for bed and I told her we would just leave everything in the car and figure out how to get it inside later.

God decided to bless me today by having my son come out back and actually unload the car without being asked!  I thought I would have a heart attack right then and there!  What happened to my son…. who was this helpful cheery person? Ahh, I was being paid back for not losing my patience at Sam’s when Mom spent 10 minutes looking through the apple bags.  Thanks God!

Have you ever noticed how a mom can have kids vomit all over them or even cough right into their face and STILL not get sick? I call this wonderful phenomenon, “MOMMY IMMUNITY”. It’s great how God makes us so perfectly suited to this great germ infested position called motherhood. Think about it… some men need a Hazmat suit when going in for the diarrhea diaper. Not we Moms, we dive right in and take care of business. I love that about us. Let’s hear it for Mommy Immunity!  May you all stay well.

I tried to get through the mall today with Mom. She has a major case of ADD, but would never admit it. We can’t go three feet without her stopping to read a sign or get distracted by something “shiny”. I find myself walking in front of her and occasionally putting my hand back to show her in which direction she is supposed to be going. On the road she reads all of the signs we pass. (this reminds me of the movie Forget Paris with Debra Winger and Billy Crystal). I crack up EVERY time and she always asks me what’s so funny? Nothing sweetie, I say as I have the mantra “you asked for it, you got it, Toyota”, going through my head.
Today was a great day. Mom actually felt like shopping a little, my daughter is over a cold she’s had forever, the son is actually communicating in more than the usual grunt and the hubby is humming after work.

It feels good to be a sandwich on these days….  oh well, there’s always tomorrow!

“Okay, sit down and write something witty for this blog you started, ” I think to myself as my  house cleaning list goes through my head. I don’t like to clean. Never have. My sister on the other hand is the female version of Mr. Clean with the lemony scent. She can clean the chrome off a bumper as they say, and hum happily doing it. Since this is so, why am I the one going over to Mom’s house today to dust and clean the floors? Because I don’t work, I guess.  Really, seriously? I could run a fortune 500 company and not work as hard as I do taking care of my family AND my Mom. At least CEO’s can delegate.
Okay, so enough ranting. I actually feel better now. As I sit waiting for my febreeze swiffered tile floor to dry, I bolster myself up to go over to Mom’s with a big smile on my face and Pledge furniture polish in my hand! Bring it on dust… you got nothing on me.  I am sandwich woman, hear me roar!!

This is a tribute to moms everywhere on Valentines day.

From the daughter…

Mom, God has definitely blessed me with you, and with all that you do…even though it can get annoying, all of the “wear a coat”, “wipe your nose on the tissue, not your clothes!” and such. But, I just wanted you to know that I love you, and there isn’t a mom in the world I would trade you for.

❤ Lily

Remember the Gumby character on SNL? He was stretchy and could be pulled in all directions. I am literally standing in my dining room, totally incapacitated by the pull of two opposing forces. In one direction is my Mom who needs help getting dressed so she can go out to dinner tonight. It takes awhile to get those 80 year old “girls” in the holster if you get my meaning. In the other direction is my daughter who needs to pack for an overnight at one of her perspective colleges. Stuffing her nice clothes into her school backpack is totally sufficient in her mind, while my OCD, everything in it’s place motherness is freaking out! You cannot use a ziploc for your toothbrush, it must have a holder!!

Either way I have to bounce back and forth between the two, all the while feeling I should be in the other place!  Oh, I know…. I need some type of Matrix thing where I can be in two places at once!  That would be the best selling thing on the sandwich market!


Some jelly on your PB sandwich?

I hope to encourage others while sharing my funny stories with the world. If you find lost teeth, dogs who track mud on the freshly mopped floor and teens who get into fender benders at 8:00 in the morning funny, this is the blog for you. A member of the sandwich generation using humor to stay sane!

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